David After Dentist

A very funny video…..It was featrued on NBC Today Show

Top 10 Things That Men Lie About!

Everyone lies, but it seems like men lie more than woman.  I’ve spent thousands of hours interviewing & researching the Top 10 things that men lie about.  Not really, but remember what this post is all about. 

The Lying Male Species!

Below are my scientific results, starting with number 10 and working down to the #1 item that men lie about.

10.  Flossing.  Just ask your local dentist how many times they’ve heard this little “white lie”.  A guy could have his teeth falling out from gum disease and he says he still flosses 2-3 times a week.  “Yea….right!”

9.  Age.   Lying about your age has always been way up the list for what women lie about.  But, a lot of men lie about their age also.  I’ve determined that lying 2-3 years away from your actual age is not too bad.  A man that is trying to pass for 5+ years younger then his actual age is pretty pathetic.  But, the worst category is trying to pass yourself as 10+ or more then your actual age.  This guy’s name is David Hasslehoff.

8.  Height.  The majority of short guys usually have serious mental problems.  These guys have probably been picked on or bullied their entire life.  Inadequacy, self-esteem issues and “Napoleon” complex afflicts this group of men.  On the opposite side (sex), I once had a good female friend in college that would always say her height was 5′ 14″.  Hehehe.

7.  Income.  This category includes all types of money or income lies.  The most common income lie is how much money you make.  But, a lot guys also lie about how much they spend on certain toys and vices (cars, porn, gambling, etc.)

6.  Intelligence.  Most of the items that we all lie about are typically vanity items or control/power issues.  Men are no exception.  Lying about your “smarts” includes lying about SAT and ACT scores, G.P.A, non-existent college degrees, etc.

5.  Cosmetic/Beauty.  This item will probably get the most discussion/debate.  Most Top 10 list would probably not have this item near the top of the list (close to #1).  But, cosmetic/beauty items that men lie about is a very diverse category.  This list includes:  cosmetic surgery (lypo, nose surgery, etc.), coloring hair/beard, waxing, pedicures, manicures, teeth whitening, sun tanning, etc.

4.  Weight.  On the list, lying about your weight is separated a little from it’s two other siblings (age & height).  Men who lie about weight could go up or down.  Most men don’t lie about being older than what they are, just younger.  Most men also don’t lie about being shorter than their actual height.  But, lying about weigh is probably split 60/40.  60% of men are overweight and under report their actual weight.  Approximately 40% of the male population that are under 150 lbs, lie that they actually weigh more then their actual weight.  This is called the “runt” factor.

3.  Sexual Activity/Encounters.  Men lying about their sexual experience has always been high up in list.  If you dare to ask your husband, boyfriend, fiance about his sexual encounters then you will want to remember this formula.  Number of partners divide by 2 then subtract 3, this will be his exact number of sexual partners.

2.  Penis Size.   The glorious lie about the size of your “johnson”.  In a guys mind, the length of a man’s “inch worm willy” is very, very important.  But, penis size should really not be this high on the list.  Men associate their sexual identity based on the size of their penis.  Women sometimes associate their sexuality based on the size of their “melons”.  My wife has always said that women have it harder than men because their “fun bags” can be seen and criticized by everyone.  Men’s penis size is typically not out in public view for everyone to judge and criticize.

 

 Drum roll………..please

 

 1.  Masturbating!  99.9999% of all men masturbate.  All ages of men masturbate, from 13 to 93 years old.  A man could be in a sexually full-filled relationship with Angeline Jolie or Padma Lakshmi (Top Chef) and they would still be “jerking the gerkin”.  This category also includes lying about the frequency of masturbating.  I’ve got another formula for you. If you have the guts to ask your man when was the last time he masturbated.  Just ask him how many “days” it has been since you last masturbated.  You should replace “days” with “minutes”.  For example, “Sweetheart it has been 60 days since I last polished the knob”.  Really what he means it has been just 60 minutes ago.

I hope you enjoyed this list.  Do you disagree or agree with the top 10?  Please feel free to contribute your “TOP 10” list of what guys lie about.  I will share all comments on this post.  Click on comments link right under the subject headline.

There is a chance I could have missed some important lying categories.  Possible other lying categories that just missed the Top 10 were job/career, shoe size, etc. 

FYI, I purposely left off lying about affairs or cheating.  I didn’t want my post to turn into a hate fest.

Also, I’m a dude, not a female.  I put together this list as honest perspective on what men lie about.

Enjoy.

Status or Safety….Bluetooth Cell Phone Adapters

Hands Free Cell Phone User

I think the millions of people that use blue-tooth cell phone adapters are crazy, oddballs.  The users of the adapters will say it is for safety or convenience.  I think they are crazy.  Let’s call these people “BCPAU’s” (Blue-tooth cell phone adapter users).  All BCPAU’s look like they are rejects from “Space 1999” or “Battlestar Galactic”.  They walk around everywhere with these hideous square or round things sticking out of the head.  Geez, I guess they are ready at an instant notice to take a call and “beam me up Scotty”.

Most BCPAU’s will state the convenience and safety features of using their blue-tooth adapters.  I think that is just “bunk”.   I think most BCPAU’s are just pretentious people who are looking for another status symbol or people that just need to justify spending $500 for a smart phone that will be outdated in less than 18 months.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been in a grocery or book store and noticed some crazy person talking to themselves.  Minutes later, I discovered that they were actually a BCPAU’s.  The world is already filled with crazy people.  Now, it’s even harder to determine the crazy, psycho people that we all want to try and avoid in life.

Have you ever seen a BCPAU’s checking their voice mail.  It is hilarious.  The BCPAU’s is staring out into space with their mouth half opened.  It reminds me of someone who is “peeing in the swimming pool”.

I can 100% state that I will never become a BCPAU’s.  I guess I must be the oddball.  Because millions of BCPAU’s can’t be wrong.   But, you will never catch me listening to my work voice mail as a BCAPU.

Just my thoughts and opinions.

Pryor Going To The Buckeyes!

On Wednesday the Nation’s top prospect, Terrelle Pryor, picked the Ohio State Buckeyes.  Woo Hoo, it looks like the Buckeyes will now have one of the top 3 recruiting classes in the country.  In the next few years, the Buckeyes will reinforce their proud, excellent tradition as one of the nation’s premier college football programs.  My Swami is predicting at least 2 more national championships in the next 3-4 years and another possible Heisman Trophy.  With this great news I’m sure the “Buckeye Bashing” will continue.  Everyone hates the Buckeyes because the Buckeyes are now the top college football program in the USA.  But, you better get use to it, because you are going to hear a lot about the Buckeyes over the next few years.  Go Buckeyes.  Michigan Sucks!

2008 Oscars….Helmet Head Travolta

The 2008 Oscars definitely had an “international” flare this year.  I was happy to see so many foreign actors & writers when Oscars this year.

 Will someone please tell John Travolta to do something with his hair.  Can anyone not look at him and laugh your head off?  It looks like John’s hair stylist uses “kiwi ultra black shoe polish” to color his hair.  I swear it looks like John is wearing a black helmet.

Jessica Alba looks extremely hot for being “preggers”.  But does Jessica really need those “frilly” puff balls on the front of her dress to make her “ta’s” look any bigger.  I’m not complaining.  But, how big do your “twins” need to be.

Eli Manning Great QB Puh-lease!!!

Eli Manning a great QB.  Puh-lease, give me a break.  Congratulations to the Giants playoff win last week to make into the Super Bowl.  But, I am a sick of all the sports writers gushing over Eli.  Eli has now “matured” and “come of age”….blah, blah, blah.  Eli is one of the best QB’s in the NFL.  This is all a bunch of crap.   Last week’s incredible win by the Giant was mainly due to their incredible offensive line.  Any second rate QB could have made those reads and throws that Eli Manning made.  I would barely have Eli Manning in a Top 10 of best QB’s in the NFL.  I’m not a Giants hater and/or I’m definitely not a Cowboys or Eagles Fan.  This is just my opinion.  What the Giants have done this year, especially winning on the road is more because of their great line play on both sides of the football. 

If you are a Cowboy or Giants fan then you have to watch this video below.  It is insanely funny.  If you are a football nut then you will love this video:

Olsen Twins Odd Relationships

Is it just me or does it appear the “Olsen Twins” are involved in some weird, odd relationships.  The latest revelation involving Mary Kate Olsen and Heath Ledger is really strange.  I think they were more than just friends.  I guess a Heath and Mary Kate relationship is not as weird as Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen dating.  That is one sick, disturbed relationship.  Maybe, I just can’t get the “Olsen Twin” baby pictures out of my head.

Hello world!

Hello All!, My name is Michael.  I started out as a lowly zygote on the planet Earth.  This blog is my quick ramblings and thoughts about all things good and bad on our planet!  I hope you enjoy my short opinions, thoughts and comments.  Please don’t be too harsh with me.  Don’t taz me bro, don’t taz me,bro…..these post are just the opinions and ramblings of a slightly off-kiltered Midwestern guy. 

I wanted to let everyone know that I am making progress on adjusting my wide stance when I need to release a cable.  This really frustrates me.  I am not gay (and there is nothing wrong with being gay).  But, I do enjoy a wide stance when taking care of business.  I am practicing on shortening my stance in my own home toilet before I hit the road at public restrooms.

 I hope you enjoy by blog.  My blog will cover all my thoughts about sports, music, politics, current events, etc.

“Are we having a laugh?”